How It All Started

I remember being in high school, feeling lost and lonely. Back then, I was a theater kid on antidepressants feeling confused. But I had one thing crystal clear: I loved theater.   

Our school was gearing up for a production of Romeo and Juliet. Surprisingly, while everyone expected me to get the lead role of Romeo, my heart was set on playing Mercutio.

I remember running my finger down that list, feeling so sure and excited… and not seeing my name on it, so I sat there for seconds of shame, feeling all my world crumble in front of me.

At this time, the idea of suicide wasn’t new to me; I had time to think about it and process how it would be. 

Looking back, it was something so silly, but at the moment, it was everything; I had just missed my chance to make it big,  and since I had just failed at it, ending my life seemed like the only option. So I ran home and took every pill of my antidepressant.

How I Choose Life

As soon as the last pill went down my throat, I instantly changed my mind, so I ran to tell my mom to take me to the hospital in the middle of the night. 

She screamed at me and lectured me about the cost of the meds, but all I could think was that my dreams had just shattered. How could she be saying all that? I ran through a large field outside my house, ready to end it all, and somehow, somewhere, something stopped me. 

I could have just died right then and there. Instead, I went back home to my mom. 

At the hospital, they made me throw up; they made me drink charcoal and put me in a padded room. I was cold, sad, and the loneliest I had ever felt. 

Looking back, I realize how much I just needed someone to tell me that it was okay, that there would be other opportunities, and that I wasn’t alone. 

That’s what I needed to hear, and that’s what I’m here to tell all of you today: You are a star. You’re here powerfully on purpose, and suicide is never the answer.

In moments of despair, it’s crucial to remind ourselves that we are not alone. Reach out to your friends and family; you can even reach me or any support organizations like The Trevor Project. 

Stopping Suicide 

Sometimes, choosing your own family and people who love and support you unconditionally is okay. It’s ok to build an environment where you feel safe and can be vulnerable. 

As an LGBTQ+ advocate and someone who has navigated the dark path of suicidal thoughts, I stand by your side. An entire community of people genuinely care about your well-being and are ready to help.

Remember, you are a shining star, destined to make a meaningful impact on this world. Embrace your resilience and inner strength, and never allow a single obstacle to dictate the course of your journey. 

Life is filled with ups and downs, but it’s how we rise above these challenges that truly define our character. So, keep shining bright. 

Thank you for allowing me to share my story, and please know that I am here for each and every one of you. 

Don’t miss out on this unique opportunity to be part of a powerful movement for suicide prevention. Subscribe to the Rainbow Hilton Podcast to stay updated on new episodes, and visit RainbowHilton for more information on how to donate to The Trevor Project.

Together we can slay suicide and embrace the rainbow that emerges after the storm.